Same old, I suppose \u2013 lose 10 pounds, get back into shape, drink less red wine, simplify. The good news (as it were) is that the first two are, as I write this, attainable; again, depending on one\u2019s definition of \u2018shape\u2019. The third? Well, the jury is sufficiently ambivalent (on the respective benefits and costs of same) that I think I\u2019ll just hold that one until the definitive study is done. Also, there is that case of good Australian Shiraz that still sits on the rack. But the fourth. Now we\u2019re talking real resolve. As Nicola and I sat on a blissfully quiet New Year\u2019s Eve at home, and discussed where we\u2019d like to see 2009 be directed, the need to \u2018reign in\u2019 was uppermost in both our thoughts. Not just a rewording of the old \u2018take more time for ourselves\u2019 mantra \u2013 but in the neighbourhood.<\/p>\n
A few months back, sitting amongst a group of old friends and acquaintances, I\u2019d begun to muse about the pleasure I was able to take in the ways in which a number of areas in my life had apparently begun to crystallize, particularly in the past year. It would be arrogance indeed to claim that these were \u2018goals attained\u2019 \u2013 since that would imply some intention in the setting of same. No, these events were more a subtle coalescence of important and very occupying quarters of my life into what could be loosely described as \u2018achievement\u2019; reaching a satisfying state that, on reflection, could<\/em> have been goals if, twenty or more years ago I\u2019d had the wisdom, forethought, and sustainable drive to target them.<\/p>\n I rambled (much as I am now) about the satisfying growth and expansion of an \u2018accidental business\u2019 commenced some sixteen years ago. How, without any discernible plan, a small (and decidedly tenuous at the time), private practice had evolved into a twelve-practitioner, two-building \u2018enterprise\u2019. How \u2018graybeard\u2019 status seemed to have crept up and was, at long last a comfortable mantle in my community of peers. How the opportunity to mentor and spawn a second generation of colleagues had presented. Again, not with any intention (and certainly not desire) to build some professional edifice; but to merely give back to a profession that has been good to me over my working life. And how, with the waxing and waning of many different communities over several years and focuses of interest, a few such have attained gratifying and sustainable prominence in recent times.<\/p>\n And so it was not without some significant surprise that I heard, amongst the litany of well-wishings, a subtext of \u2018now what?\u2019; the personal and interpersonal cost attached; and the subtle, incipient seeds of \u2018addiction\u2019 being sown. Always ready to relate things to movies, I was reminded of What A Way To Go<\/em>, a 1960\u2019s comedy with Shirley MacLaine, Dick Van Dyke, and Paul Newman, built around the \u2018unintentional\u2019 but fatal success, evidently spawned in any number prospective husbands by Ms. MacLaine\u2019s interest in them; seeing a meteoric rise from small-town contentment to mega-success \u2013 and, predictably, one\u2019s being done in by same, shortly thereafter. And so with more than a healthy sprinkling of addictions therapists present in said group, I thought it prudent to at least consider their take on what moments before had been a comfortable riff on being sixty-two and reasonably content at \u2018having arrived\u2019.<\/p>\n And so here we are with simplifying. Not such an easy task \u2013 when the \u2018complications\u2019 in one\u2019s life are, at least on the surface, paying dividends as it were. Perhaps it was the time to actually make a plan \u2013 to contain, to build healthy and sustainable boundaries, to be selective, and to be a little less prepared to be seduced by the sweet smell of success. Another abiding metaphor for both Nicola and me is that of gardening: time to prune!<\/p>\n As with any good \u2018clean up\u2019, some principles need to be identified and applied. After all, one cannot just go about, randomly clipping and hacking at plants; and expect the result to be anything different than a bad hair cut \u2013 shorter hair, but a rather ragged and haphazard \u2018look\u2019. And so the task became not just one simplification \u2013 which, for me has always smacked of taking things out of an equation in the fond hope that there would be more \u2018quality time\u2019 left at the end of the day. But examining one\u2019s commitments, roles, obligations from within the values of intention, reciprocation, boundary-setting<\/em> as possible parameters directing the decision-making in the upcoming year. <\/p>\n A basic element in mindful living, intention<\/em> invites a conscious awareness of what one chooses to do \u2013 not the harried, reactive, and ill-considered basis that seems inevitably to result in over commitment. Reciprocation,<\/em> particularly in relationship, be it with individual or community, presupposes a \u2018two-wayness\u2019; a sharing with, true \u2013 but also a receiving from as a precondition of relations that present as balanced, authentic, satisfying. Too often I find commitments being made where the \u2018flow\u2019 is decidedly one-way, ultimately fostering a resentment of time and energy invested. How better to prune, to judiciously assign one\u2019s precious resources than to those mutual attachments. And boundaries<\/em>, those elusive, often porous limits to our emotional, interpersonal \u2018properties\u2019, and their companion principle \u2013 saying \u2018no\u2019 \u2013 consistently applied have simplification written all over the gatepost. With the careful excision of those co-dependent, enabled commitments, one clears the way for healthy growth, the creaking, groaning deadwood kicked to the curb. <\/p>\n And with it all, the opportunity to festina lente<\/em> \u2013 make haste, slowly. No more rushing!<\/p>\n David Howard<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Same old, I suppose \u2013 lose 10 pounds, get back into shape, drink less red wine, simplify. The good news (as it were) is that the first two are, as I write this, attainable; again, depending on one\u2019s definition of \u2018shape\u2019. The third? Well, the jury is sufficiently ambivalent (on the respective benefits and costs […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=100"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/100\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=100"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=100"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=100"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}