{"id":314,"date":"2020-03-15T23:53:22","date_gmt":"2020-03-16T03:53:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/?p=314"},"modified":"2020-03-15T23:53:22","modified_gmt":"2020-03-16T03:53:22","slug":"personal-space","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/?p=314","title":{"rendered":"Personal Space"},"content":{"rendered":"

Looks like Jean Paul Sartre has his way. Famously, his play, \u2018No Exit\u2019 declares that \u2018Hell is other people!\u2019 In it, is explored the premise that our suffering is magnified by the presence of companions<\/em>, particularly those banal and irritating folks holding views differing from our own \u2014 and who are oh so ready to share same. The \u2018eternal sentence\u2019 is one of being trapped, inescapably in the relentlessness of socialization. . . forever.\"Screen<\/a><\/p>\n

Of course, there are those days when I\u2019ve finally peeled off a traffic-jammed multi-laner onto the solitude of a quiet country road; or emerged from the chaos of a crowded, noisy city street, into the seclusion behind the insulation of \u2018my door\u2019; or, having cleared airport security, exhaled that first, cleansing breath at the start of a \u2018silent retreat\u2019. (In the case of the latter, too few!) Being alone and freed from the need to be around folks, then, certainly has its appeal. On those days, I\u2019m happy for, hunger after such glorious isolation.<\/p>\n

However, the past few days, has seen me spending my time mostly opening emails from a hugely varied array of senders, all essentially with the same message: keep your distance<\/em>! Most are cautiously, optimistically framed. But all echoing the theme that has come to consume an already preoccupied media. Social Distancing<\/em>: the, at times, advised, recommended, at times, mandated practice of enforced avoidance of other people, self-initiated or otherwise.<\/p>\n

\"Screen<\/a>A short list: a colleague advising patients that video-counselling may be necessary, supplanting the office visit that typically restores balance to a day. The accounting firm, as tax crunch time approaches, informing clients that the customary shoe boxes of documentation may be better delivered digitally \u2014 conjuring up some very odd images indeed. The vet\u2019s office, in an odd (but understandable) inversion, notifying pet owners that sick animals are able to be ministered to; owners may remain in their car. A long-awaited symposium, exploring the efficacy of online therapy services, postponed indefinitely \u2014 again, the irony not lost on the fate of a workshop entitled \u2018The Future of Psychotherapy\u2019! <\/p>\n

And, as the \u2018circle of concern\u2019 widens: the National Ballet, the Stratford Festival, sports seasons across the board; and this, \u2018just in\u2019, churches closing their doors! Sinister photos of piazza\u2019s normally teaming with life, from San Marco to St. Peter\u2019s now empty. Caution tape demarcating the minimum allowable distance between shop customers in a land where \u2018lining up\u2019 typically means pushing, pressing to the front. <\/p>\n

Those cherished moments of sequestered peace and privacy aside, social distancing<\/em> has a strangely antithetical and foreign sound to my ears. We are a social species. The benefits, both physical and psychological, of affiliation are well documented. We live longer, are happier, and suffer less depression when we live in community. During times of crisis, our tendency is to \u2018come together\u2019, drawing on the \u2018higher values\u2019 that often manifest in such periods of need. We talk, we plan, we empathize. We touch, we hug, we hearten. All in expressions of mutual support and encouragement. A compelling image for me has always been that of Indra\u2019s net, in Buddhist tradition a \u2018jeweled web\u2019 each gem holding the reflection of all others, and symbolizing an interconnected universe.<\/p>\n

So what is one to do when this very human predisposition is set up against self-preservation, medical and political edict, and even common sense. When we are advised, indeed instructed to \u2018isolate for our own good\u2019 \u2014 and the good of the community as a whole. Psychologically we are thrust into a state of cognitive dissonance<\/em>, a kind of \u2018Sophie\u2019s Choice\u2019, where our belief and instinct conflict with our behaviour \u2014 and we end in a mental tug of war, having to choose between a rock and a hard place. Nothing new about this condition \u2014 think being a \u2018pack-a-dayer\u2019 in the face of dire warnings about the health risks of tobacco. <\/p>\n

Resolving the dilemma turns out to be a tad easier said than done. Three options:
\nchange what we believe,
\nchange what we do, or
\nreconcile the conflicting bits.<\/p>\n

The belief. . . For Mr. Sartre, easy peasy: people are insufferable anyway, so no problem doing a Ted Kaczynski and building a cabin in the woods, firm in the belief that \u2018getting away from it all\u2019 is job one. Or, better yet. Channel Donald: Covid-19, fake news, a media conspiracy. Poof, all gone!<\/p>\n

The behavior. . . I read a telling article in the Globe headlined \u2018The Virus Quarantine is Social Torture for Italians\u2019; and subtitled: \u2018An encounter without a coffee, a meal, or an aperitif (with a friend) is called an email\u2019. Try changing that one!<\/p>\n

An uneasy reconciliation . . . It seems, then, that we\u2019re left with mollifying some pretty strange bedfellows. But it does seem the wisest, perhaps the only option. The \u2018containment\u2019 ship (call it the NIMBY solution) has clearly sailed. Donald\u2019s fantasy of \u2018shutting out the bad guys\u2019, closing geographic borders to a virus that may be \u2018intelligent\u2019 by some accounts \u2014 but rarely seems to line up to clear customs, may have some lapses in logic. Letting things \u2018run their course\u2019 unchecked, head down (or more likely heading for the hills) to hunker down with the local chapter of \u2018preppers\u2019 to wait for the smoke to clear is, well, just a little too socially distant<\/em>. (But if that floats your boat, the graphic to the right is your basic packing list.)\"The-Ultimate-Preppers-SHTF-Supplies-Checklist\"<\/a><\/p>\n

And here\u2019s a novel and optimistic thought: maybe, just maybe what we\u2019re doing in crisis<\/em> to slow a virulent virus down might just be useful, respectful practices next month . . , next year, next \u2018common garden\u2019 flu season. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Looks like Jean Paul Sartre has his way. Famously, his play, \u2018No Exit\u2019 declares that \u2018Hell is other people!\u2019 In it, is explored the premise that our suffering is magnified by the presence of companions, particularly those banal and irritating folks holding views differing from our own \u2014 and who are oh so ready to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/314"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=314"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/314\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":318,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/314\/revisions\/318"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=314"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=314"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=314"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}