{"id":549,"date":"2022-07-07T11:13:29","date_gmt":"2022-07-07T15:13:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/?p=549"},"modified":"2022-07-07T11:13:29","modified_gmt":"2022-07-07T15:13:29","slug":"self-awareness-self-acceptance","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/?p=549","title":{"rendered":"Self-Awareness & Self-Acceptance"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"DSCN3602+\"<\/a>If we think of ourselves as a \u2018community\u2019, rather than a single \u2018person\u2019 we have started down the path of self-awareness and self-understanding \u2014 and of becoming a more balanced and complete individual. <\/p>\n

Four of the five large (empty) circles shown in Stage 1<\/strong> are \u2018new lands\u2019, planets if you will that are largely outside of our awareness<\/em>. We may not even know they exist. Or, if we are vaguely aware of them, they feel foreign, and are often viewed with suspicion, even aversion \u2014 the \u2018no, that\u2019s not really me\u2019 pieces of ourselves. The small black circle, representing our consciousness, shows us living in a single space, encircled, limited. We haven\u2019t yet looked through the telescope or knocked, with curiosity, on our next door neighbour\u2019s door. There\u2019s nothing unusual about it.<\/p>\n

\"Screen<\/a>In Stage 2<\/strong>, our \u2018awareness\u2019 shifts slightly \u2014 or, more properly, expands. We continue to view things from our original \u2018self\u2019 (small black dot) \u2014 but we develop a sense of these \u2018neighbouring selves\u2019. Think back to the first time, as a child perhaps, when you left your home property to explore your \u2018street\u2019, maybe heading off to attend school. \u2018Home\u2019 continues to be your primary base of operation \u2014 but other, similar \u2018houses\u2019 now become a part of your world.<\/p>\n

The move from Stage 2 to Stage 3<\/strong> is significant. A number of changes in our conscious awareness occur.
\n— First, we move our primary point of view to a more central location \u2014 namely, into the centre of our \u2018solar system\u2019. Instead of the ego-centric, single-minded, \u2018Earth-bound\u2019 perspective, we allow that these \u2018other worlds\u2019 are a part of our space \u2014 and not \u2018foreign bodies\u2019 that occupy the house next door, or the neighbouring street.
\n— Secondly, we risk exploring these other selves. Recall first visits to a friend\u2019s house. Instead of walking past and wondering who all occupies the dwelling, you go in, explore, and meet the other occupants \u2014 parents, siblings of a friend.
\n— As was likely true in childhood, the inhabitants of these \u2018other spaces\u2019 were people we already knew and liked. These were the \u2018comfortable, easy places\u2019 to visit and explore. Other \u2018houses\u2019, we came to know, were occupied by less appealing residents. Naturally, we tended to give a wide berth to those places; perhaps even developing a dislike of, deserved or not, the individuals, wishing they\u2019d \u2018move out of the neighbourhood\u2019. Nevertheless, this second group is a part of the community and will remain so going forward.
\n— Our work in Stage 3 is to begin to understand and identify the parameters or aspects that define and characterize these other places in our consciousness. A useful exercise is to recall your immediate neighbourhood as a child. Who lived next door? Which houses did you frequent? Which ones did you avoid \u2014 and why? Which ones remained something of a mystery, had a particular \u2018feel\u2019 to them? Which ones became familiar destinations? Did you develop \u2018short cuts\u2019 to and from certain places? Were some \u2018pathways\u2019 well travelled, others risky and little used \u2014 and why? With this exercise, is it possible to suspend judgment of each of these \u2018houses\u2019; to think of them in neutral terms, without attaching a label, positive or negative, to them? The exercise is simply to remember, not evaluate or judge.
\n— Our perspective, as began with Stage 2, moves to a fully centralized posture. We effectively still \u2018live our house\u2019; but are aware of the neighbourhood. And we\u2019ve begun to investigate.<\/p>\n

Stage 4<\/strong> is by far the most challenging shift. Now, instead of occupying one \u2018place\u2019, we allow that there are many selves. We recognize these aspects as significant pieces, parts of the whole. Our \u2018core self\u2019 will continue to be the centralized \u2018bus driver\u2019. But we begin to spend time in the other dwellings, \u2018staying over\u2019 in other houses. As with the \u2018neighbourhood\u2019 analogy, some elements will be acceptable, places where we like to hang out \u2014 the best friend\u2019s home. Others will be more difficult to tolerate, perhaps being avoided, denied as a \u2018piece of you\u2019. <\/p>\n

The critical work in Stage 4 includes a number of aspects:
\n— Recognition<\/strong> of not just the \u2018who\u2019 occupies a particular place, but what their \u2018purpose\u2019 might be. Why are they in the neighbourhood? What do they bring to the community? There will always be \u2018good guys\u2019 and \u2018bad guys\u2019. Learning to allow someone to remain, despite the differences in values, beliefs, behaviours between \u2018them\u2019 and the core self can be very difficult. A simple exercise in recognition<\/em> is to create a descriptive label for your various elements. Personally, my critic, my empath, my competitor, my cynic, my analyst are all part of the constellation. They have their roles, all of which contribute, many of which conflict, one with another. Could I do without some? Unlikely. Would I prefer one or two might be less present? Almost certainly.
\n— Acceptance<\/strong> that all aspects are a part of the fully formed \u2018you\u2019. Like any neighbourhood, each aspect \u2018moved in\u2019 for a reason. Stage 4 is about getting to know these \u2018subs\u2019 (sub-personalities) and cultivating a relationship with each that allows their presence.
\n— Learning<\/strong> from each aspect. If we can suspend judgment, we are more open to listening to what each of these individuals has to say, what they have to teach us. As is often the case, the more \u2018difficult\u2019 a resident is, the more important the lesson might be. Developing a sense of \u2018voice\u2019 is also critical. As with neighbours, not all \u2018sound alike\u2019. Learning to recognize \u2018who is speaking\u2019 \u2014 and giving them \u2018air time\u2019 \u2014 is a part of Stage 4. As these are all \u2018pieces of us\u2019, we have the potential equally to modify their \u2018styles\u2019. The neighbour who throws open the window and yells at us to get off the lawn is less likely to be heeded than one that uses a softer approach. Some of our aspects with be crusty, loud, inappropriate, and intolerant \u2014 benefiting from a bit of \u2018socializing\u2019. <\/p>\n

Finally, as with neighbourhoods, occupants move in and move out. Residents may remain but will evolve, develop different relationships within the community. This is a dynamic process and one that benefits principally from openness, attention, and acceptance. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If we think of ourselves as a \u2018community\u2019, rather than a single \u2018person\u2019 we have started down the path of self-awareness and self-understanding \u2014 and of becoming a more balanced and complete individual. Four of the five large (empty) circles shown in Stage 1 are \u2018new lands\u2019, planets if you will that are largely outside […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/549"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=549"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/549\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":552,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/549\/revisions\/552"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=549"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=549"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=549"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}