{"id":75,"date":"2011-02-13T21:56:00","date_gmt":"2011-02-14T02:56:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/?p=75"},"modified":"2011-02-13T21:56:00","modified_gmt":"2011-02-14T02:56:00","slug":"what-jeeves-didnt-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/?p=75","title":{"rendered":"What Jeeves Didn’t Say"},"content":{"rendered":"

Intrigued by the giggles, I began, ineffectively, to try to read over my wife\u2019s shoulder as she plowed her way through The World of Jeeves<\/em>. Ultimately I asked that she read passages aloud that she felt might be of mutual interest and entertainment; and happily, she complied. Fans of both Wodehouse and<\/em> Stephen Fry, we were both soon Googling (and giggling) YouTube for clips of Wooster and Jeeves, Fry and Hugh Laurie\u2019s (aka, House) wonderful adaptation of Wodehouse\u2019s extended lampooning<\/a> of this \u2018English gentleman\u2019 \u2013 and with him, the British aristocracy. One of the \u2018idle rich\u2019, Bertie Wooster is regularly in need of rescuing by Jeeves, his capable and attentive valet. The only cost it would seem is the latter\u2019s quietly understated, but acerbic<\/a> commentary on his employer\u2019s na\u00efve, self-absorbed, and often witless behaviour \u2013 to which Bertie is typically quite oblivious.<\/p>\n

Having settled on \u2018Minnie the Moocher\u2019, we listened as Bertie plunked out a piano rendition of the Cab Calloway tune, all the while soliciting comment \u2013 and the occasional assist or explanation \u2013 from Jeeves. The skit includes Bertie\u2019s observation on the wittiness of the lyric, inviting Jeeves\u2019 opinion. \u201cNow that is<\/em> clever, Jeeves!\u201d \u201cWhat is, sir?\u201d \u201cWell, don\u2019t you see: \u2018Sweden\u2019 rhyming with \u2018needin\u2019\u201d; and Jeeves\u2019 terse but very complete retort: \u201cAlmost, sir\u201d. (http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=zwgS1ctxglw<\/a> for those who might want to see the original.) <\/p>\n

Now Jeeves in his self-effacing<\/a> style would hardly have considered himself a model of the Buddhist way. But contained in variations of that oft repeated dialogue between Bertie and Jeeves, are all the essential elements of a simple and effective means of transferring Metta mindfulness, Loving-kindness into the rest of our day as we struggle to find ways to extend our 30-minute sit to the other<\/em> 23 \u00bd hours: Right Speech.<\/p>\n

One the rudiments<\/a> of the \u2018eight-fold path\u2019, right speech<\/strong> is variously seen as communicating according to three or four simple \u2018rules\u2019 or principles. Is what I am about to say truthful<\/strong>? Is it helpful<\/strong>? And is it timely<\/strong>? After listening to the Fry-Laurie skit, I was tempted to add a fourth: is it succinct<\/strong><\/a>? (On doing a bit of research, I later found a quote attributed to the Buddha that seems to support the latter\u2019s inclusion: \u201cBetter than a meaningless story of 1000 words, is a single word of deep meaning which, when heard, produces peace\u201d.)<\/p>\n

Jack Kornfield tells the story of attempting to act strictly by the parameters<\/a> of right speech for a day in his life: not speaking unless what he was about to say met all the criteria listed above. If one or more \u2018tests\u2019 were failed, he didn\u2019t speak \u2013 or at least reworded with more thought \/ compassion what he was about to say. Remarkably, although perhaps not so surprising after all, the volume of communication dropped by some two-thirds. He was simply more quiet. <\/p>\n

Truthfulness is a particularly tricky one. I suspect most of us, under \u2018normal\u2019 circumstances, don\u2019t likely lie all that much. But what about sarcasm \/ irony<\/strong>: \u201cThe expression of one’s meaning using language that normally signifies the opposite<\/em>, typically for humorous effect\u201d. Right speech doesn\u2019t preclude expressing the thought \u2013 only asks that it be spoken in a direct and clear (versus inverted, \u2018backwards\u2019) fashion. Gossip anyone \u2013 \u2018second hand stories\u2019, the provenance<\/a> of which is much less important to us than the juicy details. Try, for a day \u2013 or an hour \u2013 avoiding commenting on anyone not present in the room with you. Joe Goldstein maintains that this simple exercise compels you, ever so briefly, to abstain from analyzing, judging, evaluating; and to raise your awareness of how much of our communication is devoted to \u2018absentee subjects\u2019 (targets?). Much easier to talk about the person not <\/em>present. Or the exaggerated tale, embellished just that little bit for effect, emphasis \u2013 no harm in that, right?<\/p>\n

Washing our comments through the filter of helpfulness can be equally challenging. I\u2019ve always wondered about the vaguely oxymoronic<\/a> feel to \u2018constructive criticism\u2019. (Who hasn\u2019t heard the old knock: \u2018military intelligence\u2019?) If I\u2019m being constructive, being critical must be somehow OK. If it\u2019s for \u2018someone\u2019s own good\u2019, it\u2019s quite acceptable to be both \u2018truthful\u2019 and (oh yeah) just a bit nasty in the bargain. Right speech would compel us to vet our communication not only through the \u2018is it good for them\u2019 criterion; but equally through the empathic, compassionate, positive \u2018sieve\u2019 as well. Get all those spiteful lumps out, before the thought flows trippingly off one\u2019s tongue.<\/p>\n

And timeliness. When<\/em> a \u2018gem\u2019 is shared may be the difference between a thought heard and a thought ignored or even resented. Perhaps pointing out that the weather is finally warming to one\u2019s neighbour, thrilled with the deal that he\u2019s just made for a snow blower, is an observation a bit badly timed.<\/p>\n

And so, as Jeeves moves gracefully about the flat, fluffing pillows and shifting floral arrangements, he speaks when invited to do so, with clarity and frankness (\u201cYou know Jeeves, I could do better justice to this song \u2013 if I knew what the words meant\u201d, opines Bertie; \u201cOh, I doubt that sir\u201d, from Jeeves); with every intention of easing his employer\u2019s confusion, frustration, and ignorance \u2013 without ever once disturbing a self-satisfied feather. Right speech to be sure.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Intrigued by the giggles, I began, ineffectively, to try to read over my wife\u2019s shoulder as she plowed her way through The World of Jeeves. Ultimately I asked that she read passages aloud that she felt might be of mutual interest and entertainment; and happily, she complied. Fans of both Wodehouse and Stephen Fry, we […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=75"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=75"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=75"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=75"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}