So what exactly is meditation, anyway? What is going on when \u2018nothing is going on\u2019? And, always assuming I have answers to the first two questions, what does this process look like when I move it out of that half-hour meditational period and into the day to day? What are the mechanics \u2013 in plain language, if you please?<\/p>\n
Consider first of all that the human condition is to be distracted and distractible. And the 25-minute sit is not exempt from that normal, predictable, relentless process. The practice of mindfulness is, at core, the practitioner\u2019s coming to accept this most human of activities and his\/her cultivation of a simple strategy through which he\/she may return to a more \u2018unified\u2019 state of mind \u2013 only to be distracted once again.<\/p>\n
My wife presented me with a lovely metaphor for this process. Consider one\u2019s \u2018desirable\u2019 state of mind (both in and out of one\u2019s formal practice period) as consisting of a committee of \u2018individuals\u2019, all happily working together around a shared centre or focus; but all with quite unique agendas: management by committee<\/em><\/strong>. Let\u2019s call this the \u2018syntonic\u2019 state \u2013 centered and grounded. In my wife\u2019s example, I had been dispatched to find dining table accessories for a larger than usual (for us) dinner party scheduled for an evening on the weekend. No problem so far \u2013 my wife\u2019s \u2018committee\u2019 had a clear expectation of the product with which I\u2019d hopefully return. Her creative side saw \u2018matched and blue\u2019; her time manager was comfortable that all would be in place with time to spare; her chef was well-prepared (and didn\u2019t really care about the niceties anyway \u2013 as long as the menu worked); and her \u2018how do I compare\u2019, socially conscious committee member was aware that one of our guests was a consultant for an interior design magazine \u2013 and, as yet, she (my wife\u2019s committee member, not the guest) wasn\u2019t squawking too loudly. Enter David with red and green napkins and place mats, a bouquet of flowers more suited to the floor beside a pulpit than the dining table \u2013 and powdered (vs. block) parmesan to boot.<\/p>\n Quite suddenly the harmony of the \u2018management committee\u2019 is fractured. An outlier<\/em><\/strong> had been pulled from the centre \u2013 by a distraction (I\u2019ve been called many things, but rarely a distraction), leaving the rest of the group more or less in tact \u2013 but with the attention now on the outlier. (For the sake of illustration, let\u2019s make the outlier the \u2018creative\u2019 committee member.) In the example, the issue \/ challenge to the group<\/em><\/strong> is not so much its source (aka: me), but the outlier. They notice<\/em><\/strong> the fragmenting behaviour of the outlier. Her<\/em><\/strong> focus, however is more likely on the source \u2013 \u2018he should have called\u2019; \u2018he could exchange (but there\u2019s no time)\u2019; \u2018my table will look like a Christmas tree\u2019 \u2013 and the need to have the source fix the problem and restore harmony. The result, further contributing to the disruption, is to more fully engage \u2018the source\u2019, pulling herself even farther from harmony \u2013 as voices rise, explanations flow, anxiety and urgency build. Syntonia has become dystonia, wherein the environment has become very \u2018noisy\u2019 courtesy of the distraction.<\/p>\n The essential element at this point is for the outlier to notice<\/em><\/strong>, become aware of the process that she\u2019s (dangerously) engaging. Then to allow the situation as it is comprised<\/em><\/strong> \u2013 not as she would have it or needs it to be; loosening the grip on her ideal. This acceptance (not resignation or capitulation, mind you) serves both to remove her from \u2018battle ready\u2019 status and to free her up to address the \u2018real issue\u2019 \u2013 not the source\u2019s cock up and all the judging and negative evaluation that that might include \u2013 the circumstance in which she now finds herself and finding a solution within it.<\/p>\n If one is actively meditating, this \u2018notice and accept\u2019 phase might look something like \u2018there, I\u2019ve become caught up in that distracting sound or sensation or thought\u2019; then, allowing it to recede, to ebb or flow \u2013 as they usually do \u2013 and return to one\u2019s breath \/ focus. If one is outside the sit, it\u2019s sometimes necessary to push a \u2018pause button\u2019 \u2013 I went and shoveled snow; my wife reframed the \u2018Christmas tree\u2019, cutting flower stems down and minimizing the volume of observable red and green \u2013 to allow our \u2018lizard brain\u2019 (our very old and instinctive chemistry that readies us to fight or flee), and the activating messages it\u2019s sending to the body, to catch up with our consciousness. When the body is ready \u2013 defused and less inclined to work against our efforts to rejoin the rest of the committee \u2013 we can successfully return to the task at hand. It\u2019s important to note that the \u2018old brain\u2019 and the body are just doing their job (granted, one that was defined 30,000 years ago) \u2013 which is to address the \u2018distraction\u2019, be it a wooly mammoth or an irritating spouse; they must be allowed their due \u2013 not judged. It should also be noted that breathing is a very potent mechanism for \u2018calming\u2019 the side of our nervous system that prepares us to act, to engage. So whether you\u2019re sitting and meditating or facing your neighbourhood mammoth, breathing is a good thing, working equally well in both cases.<\/p>\n And so to summarize. Mindfulness practice is a four step process: NOTICE \u2013 observe that the outlier has removed himself from the core committee; ACCEPT \u2013 as the outlier, allow the situation as it is, not needing to control it, wishing it were otherwise (and further entrenching in the distraction); PAUSE \u2013 as needed, to allow the energized body to stand down from its (natural) preparation to act; and BREATHE \u2013 returning to the committee with a calming breath, rejoining the rhythm.<\/p>\n By the way, the driveway got cleared, the napkins got rolled, the flowers are still in bloom \u2013 and the Bourguignon was marvelous!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" So what exactly is meditation, anyway? What is going on when \u2018nothing is going on\u2019? And, always assuming I have answers to the first two questions, what does this process look like when I move it out of that half-hour meditational period and into the day to day? What are the mechanics \u2013 in plain […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/79"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=79"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/79\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=79"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=79"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.davidhowardpsychologist.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=79"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}